Acceptance is Peace. This was the message I woke up to on my 38th birthday, June 21, 2014.
Back then I didn’t really realize the significance this simple yet profound phrase would have in my life in the years to come.
Suffering is refusing to see things as they are and not being willing to let go of the way you “think” it should be in order to have it flow.
I wrote this short phrase in my journal that morning when I woke up to it… my mom was still alive then. We were actually on a cruise with my brother, his family, some friends and my son. The last cruise we would ever take, all together.
My mom declined rapidly after that and in 2016 she passed. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and feel her presence around me.
This is the woman who taught me how to love so fiercely, unconditionally, and deeply. She gave me space to be my own brand of unique and nurtured my spiritual gifts. Always believing in me, especially when I wasn’t willing to believe in myself. She did it all. She was my rock. And loosing her in my life rocked me to the core.
Even as I sit here and type these words a new level of release comes. Tears fill my eyes and my heart still feels the pain of being here on earth without her.
Today, two years and almost 4 months since she left the Physical, I realize I’ve been walking through grief.
It’s a lot like suffering a bout of depression and you don’t really know you’re in it until you start to come out of it, look back and see you were right in the middle of it.
It’s a lot like my morning sickness was when I was pregnant with my son. Sick for days, weeks, months and then all of a sudden you crave Burger King Chicken tenders (very specific, I know). And you’re out of it, instantaneously and miraculously.
You can look back over periods of time that you experienced different things and sometimes you can pinpoint to the day (or the food) when you came out of it.
Or maybe it all happens in layers just like healing. So many times over the last 2 years I thought I was healed (starting to feel better)… only to pop out the other side with a deeper level of compassion and understanding for myself.
Yes, acceptance is peace… but there is a lot that happens along the way. And sometimes layers and layers we go through getting there.
These last two years have taught me to love myself the way my mother loved me, Unconditionally. It’s been beautiful, messy, trying, fun, exciting and different. Different from how I’ve ever been before. Life is different without my mom.
I am learning to navigate it and I know she is proud of me. I know she is watching me. I know her essence is still with me.
Be patient with yourself. Love yourself fiercely, deeply, and unconditionally wherever along the path you may be.
Just when you think this is the way it is and you surrender to this new way of life… it changes. And acceptance is the way to be at peace with it all.
Remember, anything is possible so don’t quit your daydreams and ALWAYS Follow Your Fun!
Do the things you've always wanted to do. Take the trips, give the hugs, say the I love you's. There's no time like the present to do what you've always wanted to do. Live the life of your dreams- go ahead. Give yourself permission to live, love and laugh like theres no tomorrow!
I love you. I believe in you. You are enough.