The struggle is real my friends… your struggles, my struggles and the struggles of the world. But why don’t we talk about it more often? Why are we so scared to let everyone know we don’t have it all figured out? Why do we hide behind, computer screens, text messages, or social media facades? Why do we drown ourselves in booze or food to feel better? Why do we binge watch Netflix?
We go on day after day too proud to ask for help. Too put together to admit we need a kind word, a hug or a helping hand.
Where did we learn we had to go through life all alone and separate? Why do we think that there’s anything less than, about being a part of?
Life is all about connection, my connection to myself, to others and to a power much greater than me.
The last two months I have felt disconnected. Even though, I never stopped my spiritual practices (meditation and self care) I felt more like a bystander in my life rather than the participant.
It just finally hit me the last couple days that I needed to let go, but of what? What was I clinging to?
My body was giving me signs (tension, that disconnected feeling, pains) but I’m a stubborn, tenacious little crab and I hold on for dear life. Especially when I feel my usual way of life is being challenged to change.
I always thought I was good with change. Turns out, I’m no more welcoming of change than the next guy or girl.
I like comfort. I like familiarity. I love to feel safe and for me, that means, things staying the same. Right where I can make sense of it. I don’t love scary curves I can’t see around.
However, I realize that if nothing changes. Nothing changes.
I realize life is about change. I realize growth means change and sometimes uncomfortable feelings.
I guess things were going so good, so long that I just kinda thought that was my life now (my bad). And then life throws you some curve balls to remind you that you’re not in control. You are NOT the captain of this ship; I repeat you are NOT the captain!
There is an art form to letting go, and I have yet to master it. But when I do, you’ll be the first to know.
For now, I can recognize I’m clinging too tightly to life through my uneasiness, my pain in my body, and my disconnected feelings. I also promise to share it sooner with you, in order to stay connected.
The truth is, I want familiarity. I want comfort. I want what I want when I want it but that’s not life and that really wouldn’t be fun in the long run (I think I’d get bored with it).
Living in the moment and loving every minute of this juicy, epic adventure we call life. The ups, the downs and all the scary curves I can’t see around.
So for now, I’ll have to settle for comfort in my jammies and chicken soup; familiarity, in friendly faces and just getting what I want when the Captain (God) says I should have it.